God! I cant believe I am at uni on a thursday so early that even after climbing 4 flights of stairs to get to the computer lab (because not even the lifts were open) it wasn’t even open! And there I was ultimately the trademark nerd sitting in front of the door waiting for the technician to come and open it.

But here I am finally in the lab waiting for class to start, and I didnt even need a coffee this morning. I cant say I’m looking my best today but I need to highlight there’s a certain glow about me. I think I’ve even lost a kilo or two over the last couple of weeks. I dont seem to be indulging my misery in food – there were a few krispy kreme doughnuts sitting on the kitchen bench this morning and I wasnt even tempted to lick the glaze!!! On a different scale its almost the same as god spreading the red sea during his moment of glory!

This new found love for life, well MY life, where did it come from? Its really starting to scare me! They say you normally experience new found love for life when you’re about to die, and usually in my twisted mind I associate death with needing to strip naked and run the streets, sleep with as many people as possible, rob a bank, jump the vending machine man (god every time I see him with his trolley, I just wanna do it!) slap Yrneh over the head with a chair, and tell all the people I hate (last time I checked it was 95% of the people I knew) that they should die and their mother was a sinner to have them.

But now…. those things dont seem to matter! I just want to embrace everybody in the street, what is wrong with me!!?! this is not normal human behaviour!!!!? Am I evolving into a beast!!?!!

hahahaha ‘could it be I’m falling in love?!’ as the Spinners so adequetly put!?!!

hahahaha OMG i just got my assesment back and got  2.25/5 for my assesment! OK fuck that back to being me…. I HATE THE WORLD!!! hahahaha

no its not working…….i’m still smiling…. someone pinch me and wake me…….

A few days I sat down with a work colleague to talk about her new life. It’s been awhile since we’ve crossed paths, so obviously people had been talking about her new life, but I wanted to hear it in her own words.
She started talking about how her life was so empty even with the loving husband, child, & big house, everything that she thought she had wanted. She spoke about this inkling feeling at the back of her mind, calling for something more, something bigger than this picture perfect life.
It wasnt until she decided to gamble on the internet that she met this certain individual online, from the first few times they emailed, they had an instant connection. It’s like the feeling when you just know the person you’re with is the person that ure gonna grow old with. U cant describe the feeling, it isnt isolated to one thing, its a combination of all these psychological and physical reactions that make up that feeling.
But anyways she felt this connection, and let her heart follow and lead the next few steps.
The interesting thing about this story is that the other individual was a female and so was my colleague and from what she tells me, neither she or her companion were lesbians prior to meeting each other, they never even had thoughts of being gay.
This derives me at the question, ‘Can we meet someone so wonderful, that we would be with them regardless? Even if it meant that it was against every belief we had ever held?’
She tells me how her void is now filled, and she has never been inspired to love like she does now. Life has never been better nor happier for her.
Stories like this should act as muses for us all, who feel unforefilled in some way or manner, maybe it should act as a metaphor to suggest that we all may be looking for the wrong thing. Maybe we’re all looking for happiness in the same way that the magazines suggest we do, or maybe we’re seduced by the fancy cars, big houses and manufactuered kids in designer clothes.
What has this story motivated me to do?
It has forced me to reasses my priorities. Maybe I dont need that chanel bag, it may just not bring me the happiness that I thought it might bring me. Maybe I should donate that money to the homeless man who sleeps on the park bench in front of the state library. I’m sure having money to eat and maybe buy a new blanket would bring more happiness to him then me buying some leather peices sewn together with an over inflated price tag.
Or maybe i should re-direct my money to building on my soul, cause we all know that the consumerism society has taken some of that away. Maybe I should be spending my money on history books, learning to play music and speaking another language.
It’s the simple things in life that yield the highest amount of happiness really isnt it? Like having dinner with your boyfriend, like going to visit your family and your little brother is standing at the door with a massive grin on his face holding an ‘abstract’ peice of art his done at school, like listening to your favourite music, like singing karaoke by yourself – so no one can judge you, like buying to perfect flowers, like crying to a sad movie, like getting a HD for a peice of work you’ve managed to finish in 2 hours, like watching your fave band live – and the lead singer looks your way and winks.
It’s hard to admit because happiness is soo easily dismissed these days when there is no money, but it really is under rated. I think we’re all so busy looking for the next thing to make us happy that we forget sometimes that happiness is a feeling and it cant be seeked and found, it comes at the most unexpected times and we almost always remember the littlest thing that happen and these are the things that bring real happiness.