I’ve decided to start a new ‘lifestyle change’, what it involves is pretty simple, I’ve decided that I should eat smaller proportions and more often. I love food, and I think my obsession with food started around the same time as I met my boyfriend. He showered me with gifts all the time and ALWAYS took me to the best buffets around town. Coming from an asian background, I remember dad always forcing me to eat everything in my bowl citing something like ‘there are children in the world who dont even have rice to eat, so you better eat it otherwise you will be directly contributing to their eventual death from hunger.’

Alright, now it all sounds a bit far fetch, and WATEVA, but back then, dads words were like gods words, you just dont question them.  Anyways so at these buffets I use to eat to the point where I wanted to vomitt and my stomach would be tender for a few days that followed. Since then, I have seemed to eat everything that I see, touch, smell, hear of.

It’s not that I have a problem with my weight, I just would like to be healthier and maybe give my body a break from all the junk I make it process on a day to day basis. I think about it like homework, if you did an exercise every night, then its not too bad, but if you leave it to the last minute and try to cram as hard as you can, trying to do the whole semesters work in one night, then you pretty much give yourself no chance. I cannot count using both my hands, how many times I have cried at my desk when i realise again that I have left things too late and i have way too much to do and I will surely fail the subject. That’s why I’m starting my 2007 new years resolution early this year to train my body into NO FAILURE mode. I ate something small when I woke up, called some magazines, emailed some editors and did some stretches on my new massage ball. Then I ate something small again, and left to go work, at work now and the plan was to eat something small again, but theres no food around so I’m going to have to wait till Mot finishes work to come and pick up some food for me. Apparently he has to lock up so he wont be coming till later, so I’m slowly reaching the ‘very hungry’ stage. Hopefully he will get here before the “fainting” stage. hahaha I cannot faint today… well I dont know of a day where fainting would be accepting but I look exceptionally hot today (or so everyone was telling me), its just because I was suppose to have a mini job interview today, but got stood up, so I came into work all made up and with some ‘presentable’ clothes. hahaha normally its just watever I can find on top of my pile of clothes.

Anyways I need to call Mot, hopefully he’s finished and I will get my food soon!!!

Tonight I’m having Saigon Rose, they serve divine dishes inspired from Vietnam.

Mot and I will have

• Vietnamese pancake (banh xeo)
• Bo la lot (grilled beef wraped in leaf) 
• Beef with lemongrass and chilli
• Rice

Cannot wait!!! So hungry…..

It’s nearing the day of my departure and I am so not ready to go. Going on holidays is such a hassle at times. All the preparation that needs to go into it, wouldn’t I rather stay here and save money and buy a house or something? I’ve always been someone who would rather spend my money on experiences than tangible things. Buying a house has crossed my mind every now and then, but not a real desirable option given the opportunity cost associated with it (no life, no more lux goods). It’s now become a reality though that at this age one should be investing some of their money in something more ‘thinking forward’ then gallivanting around the world and feeding starving children. I always said that my greatest dream is to detach myself from the western culture and live my life simply in the mountains of Tibet, giving birth to my soccer team of children, where my daily struggles aren’t to buy a bigger house or a nicer car, but how to get the families clothes from my house to the stream so I can spend the rest of the day beating them against the rocks. I mean I don’t dream of poverty and hunger, I dream of the freedom from wealth. It’s funny because everybody knows that wealth brings on freedom, but I think that notion is over rated. Its a lie society has built up to ensure that we keep working really hard. Slaving away at a concept rather than a real avenue to better enrich our lives.

I hope this trip which is going to ensure I stay broke for the rest of the year, is worth it. My special project will be with the ‘backpacker doctors’ who do tremendous work with the minority tribes in Burma. They risk their lives everyday by sneaking across the burma/thai border to deliver medical supplies in their backpacks, to the mountains, deep into the jungle. These are people who are qualified doctors and nurses who have the potential to make hundreds and thousands of dollars, but choose not to as they choose human life before monetary value. There have been a few cases where these ‘backpackers’ have been caught by the regime, and they have never been heard from again.
Whilst doing my research for this trip I have come across many stories of loss and human destruction. One story told by a tribal member, recounts an episode where she escaped to the refugee camp on the burma/thai border, and lived her life working the fields of a thai man, everyday she was brutally raped by her employer (who paid her less than 2 cents a day, barely enough to feed her family) then on her way back to the camp she was captured by the thail milatary, who bought her back to their ‘office’ made her watch porn while they raped her. I cannot even begin to comprehend one rape, but can you imagine twice in one day? Surely we cannot sit back and do nothing?

So I’ve got 3 weeks left to prepare myself and my state of mind for these heart breaking stories. As apart of my post assessment for this study tour, I’ll be holding a photography exhibition. Hopefully my camera and pictures wont be quarantined and I can use the camera lens as an extension of my eyes and heart to show and bring the experience back here.

Vittorio Grigolo: I’ve mentioned this cd once before in my blog, but I’m listening to this cd right now… it is such an awesome cd, have heard many many italian singers in the past, but he surely has one powerful voice. awesome awesome awesome, definitely need to have some of his material on your ipod!

Oh need to awesome mention that I bought a new exercise ball and currently using it as my chair, great because I am definitely a chair disco queen (someone who bounces and pounces on their chair to random songs), and its making the bouncing process easier and I’m getting a thorough work out by just sitting on the damn thing. thumbs up to the bouncing ball I say, and at only $au11.99 from target I say its a steal, compared to my desk chair which cost me near $au1000, i say its a must have for life!

I’ve been thinking about getting a dog for a while now… and considering my nurturing nature, no one around me seems to think its a good idea. My mum thinks dogs physically stink, my dog reckons I dont even make enough money to support myself (which is definately true), my room mate hates dogs, my bf/ex-bf/friend(whateva) thinks I wont have time, since I hardly have time for him.
Are these people just selfish and want me all to themselves? Dogs are loyal animals, they comfort you with their adoring eyes, and dont demand that you speak to them in a certain way… you can yell at them when youre angry and then a few moments later say your sorri, kiss and make up without someone pouting or grovel about this or that. They encourage you to exercise, and if you really wanted to you could probably even take them to travel with you. They’re terribly cute, and regardless of how old they become you’d probably always find them somewhat attractive…. you would never compare another dog to them… hahaha imagine people saying “oh my dog makes more money than yours” *shrug* who gives ay? The thing with dogs is, there is no expectation of them, (except that the pee and poop outside, not on your Ikea rug) and they probably have limited expectations of you. Therefore making the relationship between the two involved parties like a honeymoon bliss.
I once told a friend of mine that my friendship is like a Gucci bag. More of an investment, high maintenance, and needs constant attention. It needs to be pampered with leather protection lotion and definately shouldnt be thrown around, even though its exterior would definately be able to with stand the wear and tear. This means that my personal investment into other people is also high maintenance. I’m constantly worrying and thinking about people, always wanting to help them, seriously willing to take a bullet for them. Most of the time this is all good, but sometimes its tiring. Heck I even get tired of myself and my high maintenance lifestyle. So I reckon getting a dog would definately lower my blood levels and elevate my patience. My next question is, what kinda dog?! I live in an apartment the size of my shoe, (5.5 to be exact and 36 in european sizes) so there is limited space. Could a dog be happy living in such a cramped area? And what about when I travel? Who will adequately look after my poor mutt while Im prancing around the world attempting to save the world? I dont want to be the equivalent to THE BUDDAH, who had to neglect his family and dessert his son to save the world, that to me seems hardly fair. So this dog idea will need serious consideration, but I cant help but yarn for one…. just like a mother yarns for a baby…..

So ‘that’ time of year has come around again, where we all become a little risker, a little bit silly and probably a little bit fatter in the process. So before the festivities explode on the home front, the annual office parties have began. Last week I was an attendee of my department party, and let me just reiterate to ALL readers that I speak from experience when I say “Office Christmas parties are NOT a time to let your hair down.” 

Everyone talks about it like it is a time to take off the tie, and kick off thoes high heels so everybody as a department can drink, laugh and party together into the early hours of the morning. Christmas parties lures us in with a false sense of security, with  what seems like an unlimited tab at the bar.  After a few drinks our prohibitions are left drapped on the chair along with our bags, and outter graments. It all starts going down hill when you start flirting with the most homosexual guy in your department. From there the momentum of the alcohol coupled with a distorted preception of the world sets us falling, falling into a deep, dark, embarrassing shit hole that people will remember forever.

Led is a manager in my department, and my love/hate affair with him has been ongoing since I first laid eyes on  him. They say that the power to lust can equally turn into a power of hate, and either emotion can be felt with equal intensity. Sometimes I find his nature so damn irritating, and his arrogant mannerism dances around challanging me to punch him in the face. But then there are other times when the seductive look in his eyes, reel my easily forgiven and forgotten heart back into his territory. Anyways I rocked up to the party, and walked into the room with total confidence that I was the hottest thing there… even though physically my eyes couldnt see anything except light and dark patches (which I’m assuming were outlines of people and their short skirts) what I did notice was Led’s eyes were stuck onto me smiling ear to ear about (as I later found out) how good I looked, since I always rock up to work in trackies or really hobo clothes. My excessive alcohol intake gravitated me towards him, so what was initially a harmless conversation about how I do no work, or how I seem to be doing no work, grew into a conversation about how I thought of him like John Mayer? Well I cant be 100% sure of anything I said that night… the truth is my plan was to be stunning, win his heart, then reject him to laugh in his face quoting something along the lines “you think a girl like me would ever go out with a guy like you?” but obviously within the next few paragraphs readers will see how this plan not only deviated from its original but actually did a 360 and bit me on the ass.

The truth of the matter is the momentarily memory loss of the evening is probably more of a blessing than a burden. Even with the snapshots that I regain every now and again, I have to physically cover my face with my hands and laugh to myself… only because I dont know any other way to strangle the situation and rid it of any truth or life!

Can you imagine telling someone who has a head the size double that of the the Sahara dessert, that you think that they are special and hot and one in a million. There is even the possibility that I even told him that I think I’m in love with him. This is not true. I am not in love with him…. I find him irritatingly luring and unconventionally seductive but love? NO!!!! So now I’m stuck with this weight, where everytime he looks at me, he’ll think to himself “yeah bitch, you want this?”

To add insult to injury, throughout these moments of hell (for both parties I’m sure), he was talking about how in love he was with his gf, and how he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Really I dont give a rats ass, it felt as if he was rubbing it in my face, when I didnt even have the cake to begin with!!!!

I’m not into wishful thinking nor am I oblivious to the harshful truths of life, and considering most readers of this blog DO NOT know my true identity (and I doubt the people who know me on a somewhat personal level REALLY know me anyways), I would have no reason to lie or deceive the reader or myself for that matter, therefore anything I write here is either a vent, or my pure observations on life. I thought I had to say that, before I comment any further, just in case someone is reading this and thinking “yeah right!!!!?” at any point.

 My objective observation to all this is that I think he really does like me, he flirts with me at work all the time, and I’m not the only one who sees this. He gives me these suggestive cute looks, and constantly teases me about trival things. Throughout our conversation at the christmas party, he kept gazing into my eyes…… and if there is only one feature on a guy that doesnt lie, its the eyes. So my hypothesis on this whole issue, as ‘cringe worthy (of a) performance’ as it was, I think he really likes me. I think he really wants to shagg me till I cannot shag anymore….but there is something there… his pride? his dignity? According to him…. ‘for who could ever learn to love a beast’ Again we have to examine the notion of unconventional. I am not the beauty, heck I’ve also been described as valguar and ‘un-ladylike’, so its not like I fit his ‘idea’ of a perfect woman….

After all that…. and after all the fun of flirting with someone who is seemingly unattainable only to realise that he is attainable, at least I know I am capitvating to him. That is enough to errode away the fun of office flirting, I am obviously to blame, and now I’m stuck, confined within these level 8 walls with no one to perve at and no one to flirt with….all because of 1 or 2 or even 3 drinks too much…