Finally after 14 days, the thaii-burma border study tour is officially over!

A sigh of relief can finally be breathed and I’m looking forward to meeting up with Mot for a few weeks for Singa beer weaved in amongst way too many cocktails.

These last few days have been an adventure packed journey which included many laughs, tears and hissy fits. I put it to one thing, and almost one thing only…. the fact that there were 9 million women and only 3 males.

People are always talking about men and their testosterone, but whatever the fuck women have it is a google times worse.

The notion of women living together 24 hours a day, especially a group of opinionated women, is an invitation for bitchiness and meowing.

A few days ago I was sitting at a fabulous cafe in Mae Sariang, having some toast and coffee, when a chick who had been illegally taking photos in the refugee camp, attacked me claiming my level of engagement with refugees was non existence. She also bought up the fact that I was somewhat culturally insensative, and that I was making her feel rather uncomfortable.

At first I was hurt by her remarks, I was too busy dealing with my own situation and the minor childhood flash backs that I was getting just by being in the camps, but I pondered on her remarks for a few nights before I drifted into lala land.

Firstly, last time I looked in the mirrow, I remember seeing an asian chick stare back at me, so I’m assuming that I was asian. So by defination how could I be culturally insensative, if the culture is that of my own?

Secondly, I am a refugee, or so I was a refugee, how could I not have engaged with people who were in the same situation as I was 20 something years ago?

Photography is an invasive form of art and it is the job of a good photographer to be able to capture a certain moment in time that can communicate the raw essence of that moment. Photography isnt about cute pictures or colour co-ordination. To me its about the message and photography is only one medium in which I choose to communicate.

I’ve realised that in life regardless of what you do, whether good or bad, someone out there will critise you, sometimes behind your back, but sometimes to your face. It is apart of everyday life that one should be able to stand their ground, construct a valid argument, rebutt their points and conclude with something like “your points may be valid to you, but my opinion differs from yours. ” Most of the time when arguing with narrow minded people, you wont be able to change their minds or open new doors for them, but at least they cannot shy away from the fact that something else in the world is different to their sheltered world.

I am more sure today then I’ve ever been in my life, that my calling is to these people who are living under the same fate that I was so many years ago. Upon visiting UNHCR, hearing their story, hearing those who critise them, I realise the pros and cons to power. The world is more equally balanced then we all give it credit for, the notion of Pareto Efficiency in a life/luck/zen sense is non-existence. When one person is given a visa to resettle their lives, it takes away the opportunity for someone else.

I find it so interesting to be able to observe a vast variety of people, and how they change from day one to day 14, you could almost plot their personality and how they would react to things on a graph.

Despite my negative observations I think given a few more days, I’ll be able to reflect positively on this whole trip. There were soo many highlights but one I will mention

- Aung Zaw is a very charming, highly seductive editor. He has occupied my dreams various nights since I met him last week. 3 cheers for Aung!

hehehe

xox godess

Here I am again sitting in the same internet cafe, at around the same time as my last blog. 11.04 it tells me on the computer time, I’m full of toast and ready, set to go for another adventure travel filled day.

Tonight we are travelling to the white-mans Thailand, Mae Sot. Apparently (a local tells me) Mae Sot has more white people than asians. There are night clubs and bars, karaoke houses and even a strip joint, not that I would ever engage in sex tourism ofcorse, but its there nevertheless.

The last few days have been spent in a refugee camp ‘engaging’ with the population. At first the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, followed by a selfish notion of greatfulness for my own life was felt. The group of students that were workshopping with us, where mainly teenagers who had no parents, and were living in the camps by themselves, some have been there over 10 years. They’re level of need to engage and make something out of our meeting was almost heartbreaking?

I cant really comment too much about the emotional issues of the camp itself since I havent even processed my true identification with it properly as yet, so we’ll leave that one for another time.

The journey there in the back of a ute was horrible. I was covered in fine particles of dust, head to toe and when I eventually blew my nose, I had a dried up leaf come out of it! For the first time in my life I was sick from the rough roads and almost emancipated all existence of food in my belly. The road was hilly, and whiny – almost a metaphor for the journal of a refugee from their homeland to the camps.

In the camps we had no showers, we slept on bamboo floors and there wasnt enough water to even brush our teeth.

It definately hit the lights on my comfortable bed at home and my easy access to water and good food. I am determined to never take those luxuries for granted again.

I am just so pleased to have been able to leave and wash off the dirt and grime from my body. A choice not many in the camp have.

I’m looking forward to ending the journey as the dynamics of the group are really pissing the shit out of me. I just want to go back, live my life and come back in my own time, when I can be my self and not have other white supremists up my ass, over analysing my asian culture. I feel that these are my people and I understand them alot more then some musley white bitch who apparently holds a social worker degree can. It’s like some people are doing all these things that they think are for the good of ‘refugees’, when really all they are doing is suppressing the integration of the eastern and western cultures. I wish, I wish people would be true to themselves and do things for their true value. If you want to make yourself feel better then go and attend a ‘life coaching’ seminar or something. Dont hide it under the banner of ‘humanitarian’ work and act all high and mighty when the truth will always remain that you are a white supremist who is objecting your views upon others. This type of attitude is dividing man kind and its a wasteful attempt to ’save the world’. This trip has forced me to generalise most social workers and has dimmed the good work that some social workers do.

I’ll end this one on a grim note.

Speak soon

xox godess

11.10 local thai time, have just finished eating a cheese omelett with some toast. Was chauffeured to the internet cafe on the back of a motorcycle by a ammature rider (a keen bike rider from my study group), good to be sitting here alive and well.

Many adventures have occured since my last post and I’m making it a strong priority to update my blog as frequent as possible. This serves many purposes, mainly to ensure at least someone knows that I am alive.

Yesterday at the lunch time stop the group decided to go for a swim. This was not an ordinary swim in a pool, but it was an attempt to swim in a Thailand national park in a last flowing river where activities such as white water rafting occurs.

Anyways after waiting around for Colin (a study group mate) we were trailing behind the others. In a hasty attempt to catch up to the others, we ran in the approximate direction of the others. We came across an integral intersection (as we later discovered) where we stood and contemplated our direction. Encouraged by our desire to catch up to the rest, we followed the only sign that pointed upwards towards ‘water source’. Running and talking, laughing and puffing we trekked through the jungle in 40 degree heat. After around about an hour of walking we estimated to have walked/ran/jogged through the dense forrest of Thailand for about 2 kms and climbed various dips and peaks covered in red ants and odd insects we’ve never seen. At one stage there was a crossing where the trail became so narrow that the only way to cross was to grab onto the bamboo trees that were growing on the edge. After the crossing we looked at each other and realised that there was no path that had lead us to our destination and that we were so focused on catching up with everyone that we had trekked through the forrest with no sense of direction.

It was starting to get dark and I was in my havanna thongs. We had no water or no food, and in the near distance we could hear something ruffling, most likely stalking its prey. Colin swore that due to the massive logging thats occured in the area, there were no wild animals living there, but from what I could see, there was plenty of trees and very dense forrestry.

After a few hours of trial and error, and climbing a few more rock walls, we were found by our guide and the ranger, they had sent a mini search party to locate us!

My face was burnt to the max, I was super dehydrated and I thought anymore walking would surely kill me. It was harder and more intense then my trek through Nepal.

After we were found and sympathetic words were exchanged, we were on our way to Mae Sereang, which is where I am writing this post from. This is a very laid back easy going town. I’ve been told by other tourist in the area and the locals who speak some english, that people who come here are people who want to trek, visit local Karen tribes, or run some church group. I have nothing against religion but I think there is something super wrong about preaching to people who have nothing left, it means that the church is almost taking advantage of their vunerability.

Elliah and I were having a discussion in the car about religion and how it is the foundation to most problems in the world. It is religion which decided to socially constrain us from the nature of man as a being apart of the animal kingdom. It’s a very constroversal area of conversation and I just wish at times, people wouldnt have such a strong belief in something that could be precisely incorrect.

Last night I met a documentary making, originally from the Karen state, he now travels through Karen state documenting all the human rights violations and how people are living day by day, fearing for their lives without any access to education or health, two of the most important aspects of the right to be human. He spoke to me about his current project in which he explores Karen people and their resettlement issues in western society. Apparently he’s awaiting a visa to vist Melbourne in Feb, hopefully I’ll be back and we’ll be able to catch up. He sounds like such a facinating character and I thoroughly look forward to another engaging converstation with the man.

This was followed by one too may cocktails at a local bar next to our huts, and after a few games of poker I was left high(on alcho) and dry(not a cent left in my pocket). I have noticed by growing acquired taste towards beer, hahaha. I am starting to crave it when the sun sinks into the horizon. My gut is quickly showing evidence of my new found love.

Tomorrow we are travelling the to Mae La refugee camp, where we will be engaging with a group of students in the camp with games and activities for 2 days. I’m definately looking forward to spending some time with people who are almost in the same situation as my parents were 23 years ago. To think that one of these people could have been me. I think without fail, the experience with put my life into prespective, which is what I desperately need at the moment.

Oh just wanted to comment on the John Mayer and Jessica Simpson saga. Someone had bought along a whole bunch of trash mags, and I was flicking through one only to see JM kissing JS on new years eve!!!!! Although trash mags tend to get some things wrong, this is something that could be very right!@? I mean considering they were the ones who imformed us FIRST about brad + jens breakup before it was official and various other entertainment news, I cant help but see a groing trend about their viability. If you happen to be reading this John, or someone who has the ability to reach john, please ask him to reconsider his decision to date such a moron. What she does and how she acts may just be a ‘character’ and maybe she is a super intellegent woman, by selling her intellegence and acting like a bimbo to make a few bucks already saids billions about her ‘actual’ real self anyways. Do men really just want a pair of fake bobbies and some proxided hair!?

PLEASE JOHN! RECONSIDER!

And to you cheese, I wasnt refering to you and Fat Bat, I was talking about some other comments that I received, I wouldnt refer to you guys as my ‘new friends’. hahaha ure a looser. Why dont you

a) update your blog so i know what your activities have been like since I’ve been gone, (it actually feels like I’ve been gone for a few months!!!!)

b) email me

anyways gotta go read the paper and catch up on reading other ppls blogs, and *sigh* start on my essay which was suppose to be handed in before the trip.

love you all

xox godess

So here I am, at last! After months of contemplating whether I would be going on this trip or not and after the stress day by day I am finally here in Thailand, awaiting my crossing into Burma(aka Myanmar). Today I am sitting at an internet cafe in Chiang Mai surrounded by youngsters playing some internet game a little bit like WoW or something along those lines. I have been travelling on all mediums of transport day and night since I arrived in Bangkok on Sunday morning.

From Bangkok airport I bought a ticket on standby with 5 mins till departure to Chiang Mai to meet up with my group of fellow travellers. I paid the equivallent to around $au160 and got up graded to first class. It was a divine experience, imagine flying on a plane where you had so much room that your couldnt even see any other passangers on the plane. You’re let in through your own gate so theres no waiting in line, and then you’re seated in a recliner that has the ability to tilt, bend or even shake anyway you want. Even though the flight was only just a bit over an hour, I could definately see myself flying like that more often, too bad the actual flight to bangkok from Melbourne wasnt like that!

From Chiang Mai airport we travelled by this thai mini-bus/tutu thing to Mae Sot where we spent the next few days in workshops learning about community initiatives that assist refugees explore and express their suppressed emotions. We played interesting games and talked about personal life experiences. Apparently the experience was quite confronting for people. I ask this, why are people working in the field of social work if they are so afraid of their feelings? I have never personally had many dealings with any social workers, but it seems the group of social workers I’m travelling with are a little bit ‘idealistic’ and naive to the raw elements of life. I place judgement upon them because I can see their good nature and there well intentions, but that seems to not be enough to be a really good social worker. I think a social worker should either have lived through some sort of experience, or they should have excellent adaptation skills in order to really emphatise with their subjects/clients.

Anyways I met the editor of a not-for-profit magazine called the “Irrawaddy, a magazine published originally to address the growing crisis in Burma, but now addresses issues about all of south-east asia. The man was Aung Zaw. At first instance, he was just another man, there to enlighten us a little bit further about the situation in Burma, but as he spoke there was something strikingly impressive about his whole mannerism. There wasnt just one thing that was enticing about him, but it was the whole build up of his inconventional ways that ‘whooed’ so many of the women in my group. His charisma not even sparing my eyes and mind. I remember meeting a very intellegent and passionate criminal lawyer a while ago and feeling the same skipping heart beat and desire to see him again urgently. I dont think this experience has anything to do with love, because I surely do not claim to love these amazing men, but I think its my desire to learn and understand. It is very hard to find inspiration and reasons to do the ‘right’ thing as opposed to the ‘want’ thing, so meeting someone who you can see inspiring you to a life changing moment is rather exciting and I can not imagine anything that is more of an aphrodisiac than a man who is passionate about a cause.

So tonight is the last night pee farting around until the main event, which is visiting a refugee camp Mae La, various literature peices are writen about it. I recommend Phil Thornton’s memoirs (if i can call it that) Restless Souls to anyone who wants to discover the gore in and around the camps.

I’m definately looking forward to witnessing with my own pair of eyes the life and experiences that life in the camps would dictate. I made a promise to myself I am not going to cry, and I am not going to look at people like I feel sorry for them, because that really isnt the case. I am not going to be that westerner who comes into the camps, observing the situation and then leaving with a monetary donation and ending it there. It is so difficult, because frankly I dont even know how to emphatise with myself to the level that I think the refugees deserve. I just hope, that my presence will be ensightful to both myself and the people I meet.

So to finish off on todays entry:

- Aung Zaw is hot

- Lalor is so annoying

- I am hungry, Thailand makes you have and want to eat every 2 hours I swear my pants are getting very tight.

- I hope I get an internship opportunity in June to come work at the Irrawaddy setting up its marketing department.

- I am having a great time, but looking forward to coming home, I really miss my life.

- I miss my parents

- and I genuinely miss my bf

Oh, and so great to see my new friends (am I allowed to call you that?) posting comments on the site, very cool indeed. Keep it up I value all feedback.

xox godess

from far away thailand

Whoa, hell-o 2007! You’re finally here and I welcome you with open arms!!! This time 06, I was sitting half drunk, half high in someone else’s apartment, dwelling over the fire that consumed most of my precious possessions. Thanks god 06 is over and I’m looking forward to a more properous and financially enriced 07.

Hope everyone had an awesome new years and sorry to those whom’s well wished messages I didnt reply to, 1) i was way too tippsy kissing every being I could target, 2) I had no idea where my phone was, 3) I hadn’t paid my phone bill, but like I said 07 was going to be a better brighter year, and today I have paid my bill, so we’re back in business. I kinda felt a little silly sitting on the side of my bed texting ‘Happy new year’ when that was a whole 3 days ago!

It has felt like such a long time ago that I have written an entry on this blog, alot has happened, some good some not so good, but all in all, on a scale of 1-10 my over all utility (economic terms meaning a measurable unit of happiness) was around the 8, that’s a record high since I’m normally sitting around the 4-5 mark.

I’m not quite sure what has triggered this latest spout of happiness but I suspect it has something to do with my somtimes good for nothing boyfriend. I’m not going to sugar coat our ‘issues’ but oh boy were there ‘issues’. But for the past few weeks it has been bliss. Pure honeymoon like bliss. I mean there were still times when I would get annoyed, but it was mainly because I just wanted to be by myself. 

December 25 was spent at Mot’s uncles house, playing with the kids, eating heaps, taking photos with my new canon 400D twin lens kit, it is a monster of a camera. Cant wait to take it overseas and share my vision of the world with my family and friends back here. I think I consumed more food that day then I have ever in one single day, mostly due to boredom. Cat and I were mainly sitting around shooting minature pool and playing 13. Didnt have to rock up to work which was really good, since they only ended up paying double time, which is the same as any given sunday rate. Wasnt really worth it I say. 

New Years was spent watching the fire works from the banks of the river, my room mate decided to have some of her dumb friends around so I had to vacate. Look I dont have something explict against her friends, but I cannot say I woulda enjoyed my new year having been in their company. I wanted to have my family around, having a bbq and all that jazz, but I just let her do what she wanted. Great girl but I think she has no social etiquette, yes she does pay half the rent but she has agreed to move into MY house, furnished with MY possessions, you cant go on inviting any tom, dick, or harry into my space!? Also she never cleans the kitchen properly. Everything is always greasy! I’m considering the possibility of asking her to move out it doesnt seem like its working out. There are some people you can live with and some that you cant. Maybe shes one of thoes people who I cannot live with. haha it takes a special type of person to be able to put up with my anal ways.

Was reading Mraz’ blog and hearing about his preceptions on India made me really want to go back, hopefully that will be soon, but before then, I’m leaving in a weeks time!!! OMG its come sooo fast! I’m jetting off to thailand first, flying to Chang Mai (northern thailand, I’ve never been there before!) to go to the Mae Sot refugee camp. I cry just looking at photos, I can only imagine how I will react to their living conditions. From their I will be assisting and researching this astonishing group called the back pack medics. I can tell it will be an eye popping adventure. Hopefully my life will not be cut short by the milatary, and I will come back armed with real life encourters to share.  Then I’ll be travelling to Cambodia, to see Angkor Wat, then on to Hanoi and Sapa in Vietnam, then back to thailand to lay in the sand in Koh Somui somewhere, sipping Moet day and night. hahahaha it will be awesome!!!

Other exciting news is our new business (by ours I’m talking about Cheese and I’s) I’ve got a million and one ideas running around in my head. Hopefully it’ll take off and I can live my dream of diving into a heap of money, and cheese can forefill her life long dream of ironing Fruitz shirts and popping his minature batmans. hahaha

Anyways since the festive season  is ending, I will be more committed to updating this blog more reg, so stayed tune for an adventure filled, days-of-our-lives spectacular 007!

(yes I love daniel Craig!!! he is one hot mama James)