The Sexin Goddess
A personal, analytical, & unsystematic way of viewing lifeArchive for May, 2007
the maintance of a friendship requires logos.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what is a lie and what is the truth. The more I explore and attempt to marry life with some sort of meaning, I realise how central the role of logos is to human existence.
Without the existence of language, there is no order for thought and no definition.
I recently watched a documentary about a man who had been blind since he was around 3. When he was in his 40’s, new technology was developed and he was given the chance to see again. What was to be the best news took an unexpected turn. Up until this day he never allowed his disability to prevent his from fully living his life.
He rode his bike around town, skiied, worked, and was happily married with three kids.
When his sight returned, he was able to for the very first time, visualise his wife and children. But the problem was his mind had forgotten how to see, he could not recognise his wife from his children. They looked indifferent to him. His brain was no longer wired to interpret sight, therefore he could not receive information from his eyes and use his brain to interpret it. The information he received through his eyes meant nothing, because there wasn’t a program to understand it.
Language is the program of life. It gives us the tools to pick up situations and deconstruct them in a way that would allow us to understand and interpret something that would otherwise have no meaning.
I guess there are two ways to view understanding and information. One is that knowledge comes from original thought, through a metaphysical self, or it comes via the physical sensory system.
Through personal experience I can clearly conclude that ALL my opinions and ideas are formed via experiences that are tangiable. I know not to touch a stove because it is hot, I know this because I have TOUCHED a stove and I didnt enjoy the sensation that occured when I touched the stove.
I like drinking alcho because when I digest it, I loose my inhibitions and free from my worries. I know that when I loose someone I love, there’s a heavy feeling, where my heart physically is. I know things, I have knowledge because I can confirm this knowledge through my experiences. I can experience myself, thats why I know I exist. I choose to believe that the reactions I get are a direct correlation to a certain action that I originally applied.
Without language and the ability to communicate clearly with each other, what is there really?
When I talk about language I don’t limit it to words and the spoken language, language is universal. It’s our facial expression, its our ora, its our presence.
Take a uncomplicated and simple pen for example.
Without ‘a’ word the explain it, does it have an use or purpose? I mean we could change the name from pen to use a vulgar term like ‘cunt’. It wouldnt make a difference what we called the thing, as long as there is a ‘classification’ a universal understanding, then it would serve a purpose.
This brings me to my intention for explaining the theory before I reveal the practice.
I have a friend who constantly saids the wrong thing at the wrong time. I can understand and have enough faith in the ‘constitution’ of our friendship to accept that her intention isnt to hurt my feelings, or to piss me off. But she cannot say the right thing. Whether it is to me, or to clients, or to someone else, she tends to never be able to articulate herself.
My point is ‘ if someone goes on talking in a rather non coherent manner’ can you really be friends with that person? I mean real friends, friends where you would die for that person. Or are they too undefined to be able to be your friend? I cant really explain the extent of frustration that i feel.
I mean the reality is that we all judge each other, and we judge ourselves. Do we really need our friends to judge us undirectly in a direct manner only to then cover it up by saying that it was unintentional? Thats the thing with logos, the real beauty in it. Its that one message, one article can be defined and labeled in so many different ways. it’s up to us to use this medium of language to shape the journey of that message.
As you grow older, you realise how different people are, you realise that you’re not that likeable, and in reality you dont like that many people either.
You’re there as a pillar for your friends and your family, and the reality is that there is no such thing as unconditional love or unconditional friendship. If you feel as though you’re the only one contributing anything, and you’re not getting what you need from the friendship/relationship then you’re soon going to get sick and tired of it. It’s no longer fun nor challanging.
So to end, keep your enemies close, but your friends closer.
godess
xox
much needed update
Hello my friends!! It sure as hell has been some time since we met here in cyberspace, at this blog.
Life has been huffing and puffing along. I think when people are happy them seem to loose the desire to turn to an outlet of expression (eg art or blogging) but rather they choose to just accept life as it is and live it. So overtly I have been chillin with the life business, not getting soo worked up about crazy things. This by far does not mean that its all been smooth sailing. Far from that in fact.
We’ll like many other struggling uni students, this time of year has been challanging my desire to be organised this year. I’ve spent the last 3-4 days at the state library plugging away at the lab top listening to ‘ice box’ by omarion on repeat. I still havent finished the essay but I could confidently say that I have done more more in those 3-4 days then I have all year at home! So it is clear that I need to do everything outside of my relaxing house…. there’s something about the home that makes you just kick back and let go of the daily events. I love the thought of coming home relaxing, watching some movies and having a nice glass of red. Especially with the cosy weather coming up, that would be divine.
Further from studying I’ve been semi-ly trying to get a real job. I’ve fully applied for 1 grad role, and half applied for another. I had my first group interview with ANZ today, it was an interesting process. I’m not the biggest believer on these conventional ideas on interviewing but to some degree we must all comply with the conventions of society I guess. There was one girl there who was conducting the interview, who had nice long blonde hair and dressed really well. She looked either Russian, Swedish or something along those lines. She was a bit of a bitch though, and sounded fairly dumb. It made me wonder whether she would have interviewed well, or whether she got her job through looking goddamn good. It’s weird, because through natural instinct/reaction we all tend to favour somewhat those who are good looking and dress well. So how much does our look say about us as a person? I mean its the question of the century, and as most of us are politically correct these days (well on the exterior anyways) we have fine tuned society to not judge purely based on looks, but I wonder what percentage of our ‘judgement’ on someone is based on pure appearance. Anyhow, not sure if I’m going to apply for BHP, I’m sort of if-y about that. Firstly I cannot be assed, secondly I cannot be assed. So as you can see the motivation to PLAN in advance is high on my agenda. hehehe. I dont know whats wrong with me, I try really hard but I just seem to be in cbf mode pretty frequently.
Moving on, our online business is coming along nicely. I mean on top of the 1 billion things that Cheese I have to do I think we’re making good progress. We’ve had some productive meeting with a couple of web designers, and we’re divided on the likability factor, Cheese clearly favours one organisation over the other and I vice-versa. This is a great sign, and I am really pleased about it, because it is starting to really show that Cheese and I are different and we value slightly different things. I think this evidently proves that we have 2 different set of skills and prospectives that would make a growing business successful. Meeting up with these individuals also reiterate the need to be ‘business savvy’ because according to me, even if you have an amazing product, without a personality or identity behind it, then I dont really care to hand over my money to you. The REAL difference between company a or b is its look, its personality. A company can no longer be a shell, it really needs to exist as its own self.
The next coming months should be exciting as hell, I wonder if Cheese and I will have our first ‘partnership’ fight? hahaha I’m not really an agreeable person, and Cheese is a pretty yah-yah person so I’m sure our ‘disagreement’ will result in ‘your a faggot’, ‘no your a looser’ and then hopefully we’ll get over it. But being the strategic planner than I’ve been trained to do over the last 3 years, I like to think about my ‘crisis planning’ in my head before these horrid things occur. I think I’m a really wise planner, and I think things through rather extensively by analysing the situation, identifying key components of the situation and then thinking of the best possibly solution for the problem. But the ISSUE then comes in my execution. I’m a existentialist to a certain extent, so I can find every possible reason under the sun for a decision. Therefore I can understand and accept any other view points, but because I am a highly passionate person, I react in a rather emotionally attached way. I guess its my own personal struggle, where on one hand I am driven by what is usually associated with masculinity – objective thought, reason, and logic, while there’s another side of me which is intensely subjective, compassionate and rather emotional. They’re rather contradicting traits and I guess I love paradoxes and I find it to be that I am the biggest paradox that I have yet to understand. It’s great though… makes me really think about myself as a separate being, and as a whole being.
On the home front, things with the bf are cruising by. I can see on one hand that he is an incredibly complex guy, whom I do really love from the bottom of my heart, and I’m still self debating whether love is enough to sustain a WHOLE relationship. I mean there are some of us out there who would probably be more than content happy with something like what Mot and I have, but I’m still in the process of asking myself is it enough?
I can see him attempting to change his odd ways to be more accommodating to my needs, but on the other hand I dont want him to change because he obviously likes the way that he is. I dunno, I wish I was more selfish and less empathetic so i wouldnt have these moral dilemmas. Actually I dont, that is a hella of a crap wish hahaha
Anyhow its 5.20 am what the hell am I doin here, I should be in bed, resting my sick body. I wish I didnt have to go to work tomorrow but unfortunately I can no longer afford to be sick. God I hate being so poor. But I will wrestle my desire to stay home by the tele wrapped in a blanket, and chug along to work so I can spread my germs to other fuckwhits hahaha
until next time….
godess
xox
