This dream that I had last night is stuck, its blurring whats real and whats in my head!

Do you ever have dreams so real that when you awake you still inhabit the feelings that were there in the dreams.

Am I really infactuated over Mada or am I only infactuated over him in my head?

Get out, get out!!!!

I know you already have a girlfriend so get outta my head!

godess

xox

I think the most nostelgic times are those when your in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Every now and then I awake after a few hours of sleep, then cant get back to sleep.
I came out to the living room hoping to be able to do some much needed work for the business, but there’s something particular about the 2 am slot. My brain just doesn’t work.
So I settled to watching a dvd instead. I had been watching Kenny, this evening and it was a pretty uneventful movie, so I thought I’d watch a pick me up movie.
Bridget Jones’ Diary never fails to heighten my mood. After having watched it for the 19874777 time, I still find it incredibly funny and see so many similar traits in myself.
I wonder how much movies and shows that we watch actually effect our lives. For instance, my aspirations to be a lawyer, probably stemmed from watching shows like The Practice, my aspiration to be in publishing most likely came from Bridget Jones. Even though she wasn’t really a good publicist, nor public speaker, her job kinda looked fun. More so, the hot boss that she was having an affair with was definitely the right bait. I’ve seen a few editors, and publishers and I have not yet found a hot one to target. So the mission still stands.
There are always defining moments in our lives, and they probably change the course of our lives, yet we never give credit to that moment. We can hardly remember why we like things or what caused us to be a certain way.

Mada – oh what a divine man. Well in my head he is divine.
He is so goddamn cute, not handsome, but really really adorable. His curly hair and his dimples……
When I awoke at 2, I logged on expecting an email from my mate Cheese, probably ranting about something, I was disappointed to not get a msg from her, but yet pleasantly surprised to find an email from Mada – at midnight.
I wonder if he has a girlfriend? I wonder if he is as wonderful in real life as I make him out to be in my head.
I think this is my actual problem, I am the eternal optimist. I think people are a lot better and cooler than they really are. So when I eventually know and explore people I find they’re rather mundane and stupid. Of corse there are a small selection of people whom I still find irritatingly interesting, and stimulating.

It’s like my potential-turn-me-lesbian girlfriend from uni, since I’ve spoken to her and befriended her, I dont find her so alluring and seductive anymore. Of corse this is probably because I now am SURE that I am not a lesbian. It’s not that she’s any less attractive, or that she was stupid. She is one of the most hard working, creative, coolest girls I’ve met for a long time. I dont know, maybe dad was right. I’m just one of those people who love disposable things. If there’s nothing new added into the bag of mixed lollies, then you’ve lost me!

It’s like through primary & high school, I played 9000000000999000 different musical instruments and competed in 90003030003993 different sporting events, not that I was REALLY good at anything, I would rather be pretty good at alot of things rather than be REALLY good at one thing.
Even the move to university didnt stop me from displaying this trait. Degree after degree, I’m happy knowing a bit of this and that, not really fully focused on anything specifically. I’ve medalled with law, finance, PR, literature, philosophy, I wonder what is next on my list. Architecture? Interior design?

Anyways back to Mada, in my brain he is multi fascist, and does everything I want the way I want it. But then in reality if he were to do that he would be a pretty boring guy. hahaha so I dont know what the winning solution is, I guess that in itself is the exciting part. Does he find me attractive? Does he find me as witty as I attempt to be?

On another issue, I’m listening to PCD’s at the moment, and would like to just say that the newest member Asia is a freaking nong nong! I can see why they picked her, but still it has definitely posed as a negative against my new found love for PCD (dont ever let Cin know about this love)
Fire Asia, recruit Melissa R!

Getting a little tired now, just got a trigger, had a dream about Mada, thats why I couldnt get back to sleep. Goddamn boy! Get outta my head and my dreams!!!!!!!

godess
xox