I couldn’t sleep last night, so I was moping around my apartment getting restless with nothing to do yet my mind wouldn’t shut up and let me rest. It was like a scene from one of them lame ass video clips where you see the click lie on her couch (usually in her underwear and yes I was in my underwear) listening to her ipod, then u see her leaning against the window thinking about something intense, then she moves to the dining table… 

I usually take one of these nights as a tell sign that I’m pretty stressed. My body seems to suggest so, but I cant pinpoint the exact cause for this physical reaction. Apart from the sleepless night, I had this massive ulcer in my mouth, a weak knee and wobbly ankles. These temporary  physical distractions  are preventing me from performing at my best. I have tennis lessons scheduled next week, although my game has dropped 10000000 folds since my peak 10 years ago I am determined to become a semi-pro tennis player, well I plan to at least beat my little crap-head sister to the pulp.

Tet is around the corner, and even though I’m as old as hell (and so my daddy tells me!) and therefore not eligible for red pocket (daddy are you just trying to rip me off!!!) I still look forward to spending time being grateful for the wonderful (90% of the time anyways) family that I have and stuffing my face (yet again!) with mums goodness home cooked meals. Having moved out I now appreciate mum and her cooking obligations. I don’t know how she manages to cook something everyday, changing it so we don’t get sick of her food. And to think that I use to complain about eating the same thing in one week. Thanks to my inability to be creative and diverse in my cooking I either a) eat takeaway that leaves me feeling sick in some way or other, and my pockets empty or b) eating left overs all week, I could not imagine mum cooking WAY too much that we all have to eat the same crap all week. I’m starting to think maybe I’m not that perfect future wife of one lucky mofo after all. Quite the contrary actually, I’m starting to think my husband will be one sorry of a sod. hehe.

Last night Ram and Mik came over after a night on the town (I thought Nandos and the tennis was the better option) and talked about random crap whilst I was watching the match of the year (Federer VS Safin… hottness with racquets!!). I then confessed that I found Federer incredibly sexy and would ‘tap that ass’ if I were in a position to. I acknowledged that I knew he wasn’t good looking but there was just something about him. I recalled other celebrities that were on the “i would tap that ass list”  and realised how unconventional my taste in men was. Ok others on the list include, but not limited to (the worlds best disclaimer!);

- Jason Mraz, he is really ugly… but super talented… and its them words…. its like im the only love sick moron in the room when he sings.

- John Mayer, he isnt my fav right now due to his womanising ways. But he was super ugly during the time I was totally in love with him. Again, I found incredible appeal in his funny face whilst he played guitar. 

Ian Klause: so not conventional good looking, but so articulate and intelligent. 

But then I think of all the men that I’ve been with and 90% of them have been boys who were conventionally good looking and whom had an array of women chasing them. I guess that’s why they’ve never worked out. 

Anyways its not like I’m the most conventionally good looking person either, but I like to think my whit and charm pull me through as a somewhat likable person (this is highly debatable, depending on whom you speak to!!!) 

Basically my point is, for a guy life is a little easier because even if you’re really ugly physically you can still be really attractive if you have talent. Whilst with chicks, looks is fundamental. I assume if you only had looks you still wouldn’t be able to score with a 100% success rate, but your odds only diminish marginally. Whilst if you don’t have the looks but have whit and charisma, you’re odds start at 60% right from the beginning. 

Anyways, there’s some fuel for thought, have to get ready for my daily 9km run around the tan…. hope I can have a nap after the run, need to have energy for a 1st birthday party tonight! yah!!!

Bang Kieu, I really miss you… u’ve somehow managed to weasel your way into my heart and mind. ure a gayass! 

godess

xox

And so 2009 has rolled around with a blink of an eye, little seems to have changed but so much has changed without one even noticing. For one I’ve realised reluctantly that I am indeed a fob. I’ve realised how much i enjoy talking viet to the random shop owners in Footscray and Richmond, especially the ones that own the music and book shops. I really had to accept that I was a fob after I was heard ranting on about a ca luong performed by Phi Nhung and Manh Quynh, which the video lady didnt even know existed. 

And now in the comfort of my own home, I’m listening to Minh Tuyet sing about her broken heart and how she lives with one person whilst in love with another. Maybe I can relate but then maybe I cant either way I feel an emotional pang near my heart. I think these feelings qualify me as a fob. 

Further from this realisation and self classification I have started a hardcore fitness regime. Hardcore defined in my life as actually doing something… This may differ from person to person but my definition is rather liberal and unconfined. I’ve started walking/running around the ‘tan’. Now to the fit and cool people they’ll know that it is the Melbourne Botanical Gardens. I love that place. A few weeks ago I ran into the Richmond Football Club training for the up-and-coming season. I screamed so loud  my friend had to punch me in the face and tell me to ‘calm the fuck down!’. Then the following day I was running along side tank, hot, tan and sweaty Melbourne Storm players. Whoa… double whoa… eye candy overload. I’ve realised though that most people go for a job around the ‘tan’ because of the potential eye candy. This theory was proven (proven through my objective observation of a sample group of around 100 men and women…) because regardless of who you ran pass and who ran pass you, you would both look at each other. It wasnt the acknowledgment hello kinda look. It was the “I’m checking you out” look. For instance if I ran pass someone who was hot we would look at each other and then I would smile at them. At times they would return my gesture with a flirty smile of their own… some would even jog backwards to elongate our ‘check out’. But then there would be times when I would look at a fellow runner and smile upon our eye contact to get nothing. And sometimes someone would smile, for me to quickly look away or down at my eye pod. Anything to avoid eye contact after I’ve judged them ‘not worthy’. This theory isn’t only relevant to me, I’ve been the third party observer on others doing the same thing to each other. 

This new theory has brought me to another random thought. Can men and women or can men or women ever stop checking each other out. I shared this random thought with a few of my wise and not so wise friends to see if they could elaborate on it. This is what they had to say;

Friend 2231 (female, mid 20’s in a serious relationship, a teacher): I think men are more likely to check out women, and I think they’re more likely to check out other chicks if they’re in a serious relationship or married. It’s just in their nature. They have the need to produce and look for women who they would like to produce with. It’s almost instinctive. 

Friend: 8971 (female, mid 20’s, in a serious relationship, work-shy): I never really check out any one other than my fiance. Why would I go out for burgers if I have steak at home? 

Friend 3654 (male, late 20’s, not in a relationship, management): My mates who are in relationships tend to check out chicks more. But they never do anything about it. They’re just window shopping. I’ll check out a chick if she’s eye catching, for example if she has a devilish laugh or a mouth watering smile. The ones that last aren’t necessarily the ones that you would ‘check out’ on the street though. 

Friend 007 (male, mid 30’s, married, dentist): I check out chicks and I secretly think about them, but I love my wife and kids too much to do anything about it. I think there’s no harm in looking. 

So it seems that my small sample of subjects supports the fact that people will check out others regardless of their relationship status, but a majority wouldn’t jeopardise their relationship by taking it to the next level. 

It’s interesting, although let me pose another questions. What if the attraction was more than looks or a superficial element, what if the attraction was personal, one person to another. A connection of the mind or soul? Would that make a difference in the approach taken by an individual. Would it be a good idea to let go of a good and safe relationship to attempt another based on a an attraction of ideals and views on the world? 

Let me know your thoughts?

godess

xox