This dream that I had last night is stuck, its blurring whats real and whats in my head!

Do you ever have dreams so real that when you awake you still inhabit the feelings that were there in the dreams.

Am I really infactuated over Mada or am I only infactuated over him in my head?

Get out, get out!!!!

I know you already have a girlfriend so get outta my head!

godess

xox

I think the most nostelgic times are those when your in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Every now and then I awake after a few hours of sleep, then cant get back to sleep.
I came out to the living room hoping to be able to do some much needed work for the business, but there’s something particular about the 2 am slot. My brain just doesn’t work.
So I settled to watching a dvd instead. I had been watching Kenny, this evening and it was a pretty uneventful movie, so I thought I’d watch a pick me up movie.
Bridget Jones’ Diary never fails to heighten my mood. After having watched it for the 19874777 time, I still find it incredibly funny and see so many similar traits in myself.
I wonder how much movies and shows that we watch actually effect our lives. For instance, my aspirations to be a lawyer, probably stemmed from watching shows like The Practice, my aspiration to be in publishing most likely came from Bridget Jones. Even though she wasn’t really a good publicist, nor public speaker, her job kinda looked fun. More so, the hot boss that she was having an affair with was definitely the right bait. I’ve seen a few editors, and publishers and I have not yet found a hot one to target. So the mission still stands.
There are always defining moments in our lives, and they probably change the course of our lives, yet we never give credit to that moment. We can hardly remember why we like things or what caused us to be a certain way.

Mada – oh what a divine man. Well in my head he is divine.
He is so goddamn cute, not handsome, but really really adorable. His curly hair and his dimples……
When I awoke at 2, I logged on expecting an email from my mate Cheese, probably ranting about something, I was disappointed to not get a msg from her, but yet pleasantly surprised to find an email from Mada – at midnight.
I wonder if he has a girlfriend? I wonder if he is as wonderful in real life as I make him out to be in my head.
I think this is my actual problem, I am the eternal optimist. I think people are a lot better and cooler than they really are. So when I eventually know and explore people I find they’re rather mundane and stupid. Of corse there are a small selection of people whom I still find irritatingly interesting, and stimulating.

It’s like my potential-turn-me-lesbian girlfriend from uni, since I’ve spoken to her and befriended her, I dont find her so alluring and seductive anymore. Of corse this is probably because I now am SURE that I am not a lesbian. It’s not that she’s any less attractive, or that she was stupid. She is one of the most hard working, creative, coolest girls I’ve met for a long time. I dont know, maybe dad was right. I’m just one of those people who love disposable things. If there’s nothing new added into the bag of mixed lollies, then you’ve lost me!

It’s like through primary & high school, I played 9000000000999000 different musical instruments and competed in 90003030003993 different sporting events, not that I was REALLY good at anything, I would rather be pretty good at alot of things rather than be REALLY good at one thing.
Even the move to university didnt stop me from displaying this trait. Degree after degree, I’m happy knowing a bit of this and that, not really fully focused on anything specifically. I’ve medalled with law, finance, PR, literature, philosophy, I wonder what is next on my list. Architecture? Interior design?

Anyways back to Mada, in my brain he is multi fascist, and does everything I want the way I want it. But then in reality if he were to do that he would be a pretty boring guy. hahaha so I dont know what the winning solution is, I guess that in itself is the exciting part. Does he find me attractive? Does he find me as witty as I attempt to be?

On another issue, I’m listening to PCD’s at the moment, and would like to just say that the newest member Asia is a freaking nong nong! I can see why they picked her, but still it has definitely posed as a negative against my new found love for PCD (dont ever let Cin know about this love)
Fire Asia, recruit Melissa R!

Getting a little tired now, just got a trigger, had a dream about Mada, thats why I couldnt get back to sleep. Goddamn boy! Get outta my head and my dreams!!!!!!!

godess
xox

Hello my friends!! It sure as hell has been some time since we met here in cyberspace, at this blog.
Life has been huffing and puffing along. I think when people are happy them seem to loose the desire to turn to an outlet of expression (eg art or blogging) but rather they choose to just accept life as it is and live it. So overtly I have been chillin with the life business, not getting soo worked up about crazy things. This by far does not mean that its all been smooth sailing. Far from that in fact.

We’ll like many other struggling uni students, this time of year has been challanging my desire to be organised this year. I’ve spent the last 3-4 days at the state library plugging away at the lab top listening to ‘ice box’ by omarion on repeat. I still havent finished the essay but I could confidently say that I have done more more in those 3-4 days then I have all year at home! So it is clear that I need to do everything outside of my relaxing house…. there’s something about the home that makes you just kick back and let go of the daily events. I love the thought of coming home relaxing, watching some movies and having a nice glass of red. Especially with the cosy weather coming up, that would be divine.

Further from studying I’ve been semi-ly trying to get a real job. I’ve fully applied for 1 grad role, and half applied for another. I had my first group interview with ANZ today, it was an interesting process. I’m not the biggest believer on these conventional ideas on interviewing but to some degree we must all comply with the conventions of society I guess. There was one girl there who was conducting the interview, who had nice long blonde hair and dressed really well. She looked either Russian, Swedish or something along those lines. She was a bit of a bitch though, and sounded fairly dumb. It made me wonder whether she would have interviewed well, or whether she got her job through looking goddamn good. It’s weird, because through natural instinct/reaction we all tend to favour somewhat those who are good looking and dress well. So how much does our look say about us as a person? I mean its the question of the century, and as most of us are politically correct these days (well on the exterior anyways) we have fine tuned society to not judge purely based on looks, but I wonder what percentage of our ‘judgement’ on someone is based on pure appearance. Anyhow, not sure if I’m going to apply for BHP, I’m sort of if-y about that. Firstly I cannot be assed, secondly I cannot be assed. So as you can see the motivation to PLAN in advance is high on my agenda. hehehe. I dont know whats wrong with me, I try really hard but I just seem to be in cbf mode pretty frequently.

Moving on, our online business is coming along nicely. I mean on top of the 1 billion things that Cheese I have to do I think we’re making good progress. We’ve had some productive meeting with a couple of web designers, and we’re divided on the likability factor, Cheese clearly favours one organisation over the other and I vice-versa. This is a great sign, and I am really pleased about it, because it is starting to really show that Cheese and I are different and we value slightly different things. I think this evidently proves that we have 2 different set of skills and prospectives that would make a growing business successful. Meeting up with these individuals also reiterate the need to be ‘business savvy’ because according to me, even if you have an amazing product, without a personality or identity behind it, then I dont really care to hand over my money to you. The REAL difference between company a or b is its look, its personality. A company can no longer be a shell, it really needs to exist as its own self.
The next coming months should be exciting as hell, I wonder if Cheese and I will have our first ‘partnership’ fight? hahaha I’m not really an agreeable person, and Cheese is a pretty yah-yah person so I’m sure our ‘disagreement’ will result in ‘your a faggot’, ‘no your a looser’ and then hopefully we’ll get over it. But being the strategic planner than I’ve been trained to do over the last 3 years, I like to think about my ‘crisis planning’ in my head before these horrid things occur. I think I’m a really wise planner, and I think things through rather extensively by analysing the situation, identifying key components of the situation and then thinking of the best possibly solution for the problem. But the ISSUE then comes in my execution. I’m a existentialist to a certain extent, so I can find every possible reason under the sun for a decision. Therefore I can understand and accept any other view points, but because I am a highly passionate person, I react in a rather emotionally attached way. I guess its my own personal struggle, where on one hand I am driven by what is usually associated with masculinity – objective thought, reason, and logic, while there’s another side of me which is intensely subjective, compassionate and rather emotional. They’re rather contradicting traits and I guess I love paradoxes and I find it to be that I am the biggest paradox that I have yet to understand. It’s great though… makes me really think about myself as a separate being, and as a whole being.

On the home front, things with the bf are cruising by. I can see on one hand that he is an incredibly complex guy, whom I do really love from the bottom of my heart, and I’m still self debating whether love is enough to sustain a WHOLE relationship. I mean there are some of us out there who would probably be more than content happy with something like what Mot and I have, but I’m still in the process of asking myself is it enough?
I can see him attempting to change his odd ways to be more accommodating to my needs, but on the other hand I dont want him to change because he obviously likes the way that he is. I dunno, I wish I was more selfish and less empathetic so i wouldnt have these moral dilemmas. Actually I dont, that is a hella of a crap wish hahaha

Anyhow its 5.20 am what the hell am I doin here, I should be in bed, resting my sick body. I wish I didnt have to go to work tomorrow but unfortunately I can no longer afford to be sick. God I hate being so poor. But I will wrestle my desire to stay home by the tele wrapped in a blanket, and chug along to work so I can spread my germs to other fuckwhits hahaha

until next time….

godess
xox

I’ve had a pretty pleasant day today, and that is surprising considering how somber I’ve been lately.
The day started off planned to be a rather productive ’school work’ day, but obviously with an unpredictable lifestyle such as mine, plans were not made to be concert.
The day started early and the morning was spent eat noodles and researching an assignment. Towards the middle of the day I caught the tram down the road to met up with my friends in Degraves st to read the paper, drink tea and talk shit. It turns out she has been approached by an affluent organisation to consult on an up and coming restaurant to be opened in melbourne in a few months time. Exciting times for all I say!
I strolled around town, visiting a few book shops, buying a few cds and then jumped on a tram headed for home.
See thats the thing I love about Melbourne, you could walk from one end of the city the the other in one straight line, and you could even be in your heels doing it.
When I got home it started pouring, perfect timing I didnt get wet, but the plants would have gotten a nice feeding.

I changed out of my clothes and jumped into the much loved paul frank shorts, and bonds singlet accessories with some bright orange ugg boots. Oh, how I do love my pj’s, I wish I could just walk the streets wearing pj’s, I could predict the benefits to man kind. For one I would be a much more relaxed and pleasant person, I could trick my mind into the same mentality as when I’m in bed, ‘relax and let it go’.

Sitting at my desk, I read some lecture notes while in the background some afgany music was pumping. When I was tired, I sat on the floor ate left over thai and read other sections of the paper.
I read an awesome interview of Ian Thorpe, and can conclude that he truely is an awesome guy. He sounds like he knows what he is about and thats something lacking in alot of people these days, and considering he is only 24, I would say he has a certain desired intangible asset most of us could only wish we had, not only that, he even does one better by HAVING both the intangible and tangible assets.

I sometimes ponder the likelyhoods that somebody out there could possibly employ the same school of thought as me. I cant say I have met anyone who was impressively like myself. When I use the term impressive I’m only narratively referring to the fact that it is incredibly liberating to be totally independent in thought, and find another who derived at the same conclusion on their own independent journey of thought. Therefore being rather impressed by their similarity to myself.

But whilst reading the article I realised that he (Ian Thorpe) and I share rather resembling ideologies and opinions. Definitely comforting to know.

Anyways the point to the post today was to certify to myself (and others who question their humanism) that life’s pleasure are not mutually exclusive to being broke, but quite the contrary, life’s pleasures can be emphasised and magnified by the element of being broke, since realistically there is no short term escape from being broke.
In total I spent $38.30 ($30 was on afgan CDs) but the feeling of satisfaction and happiness was that of a day when I spent a couple of thousand dollars on a handbag.

Now I’m off to spend time with a nice, intimate group of friends, talking over nice food and great wine. It’s so nice to have something so simple to look forward to.

I found a rather nicely articulated quote/question today, emphasising the necessity of human acceptance when it comes to happiness:
‘Is my happiness dependent on other people’

The way you view yourself will allow you to be happy, not the way other people view you.

till later then?

xox
godess

Obessive behaviour can never be a good thing. And it isnt always easy to determine the line with that exists between obsession and passion. My latest venture from passion to obsession? Stationary.

I mean to classify it as ‘the lastest’ could be depriving the truth about the obession, but in using the term ‘the latest’ I’m implying that it is the current occupant of my obession.

When your favourite store becomes officeworks, or kikki k, and when you start straving yourself because you prioritise black manilla folders over food or water, its time to accept that there is a slight problem on your hands.

Yesterday I walked into kikki k (I really cannot justify the obscene amounts of money they charge for simple things!) and spent my whole weeks ‘food’ money on, a diary (moleskine – it is hot, a small handheld black leather bound), 2 folders (paper) a pack of manilla folders (for $10!!! You can buy over 200 original manilla folders for that price), and a TO DO LIST pad. It is insane….!!!

And now I’m sitting here awaiting my bf to come and drive me to officeworks so I can buy some squared exercise books. This anal behaviour towards stationary is killing my wallet! And if someone told me to quit this obsessive addiction, then I would tell them to get stuffed! Everyone is allowed to have their forte!

xox

godess

Dear me! this blog hasn’t been updated for some time now, so I want to start by apologising for not being more proactive and attentive to my dear blog.

Alot has happened since my last blog, but then when you really think about it, not much has happened at all. Firstly I guess the key factor in my life at the moment is that university has started again, and I find myself nervous about it. It really is the first time that I have felt butterflies about uni. I cant say that I am the most academic student in the world, and when prioritising life matters, regardless of how hard I try to do the right thing by uni, it always seems to slip down, down and further down the list. But this year I am more dedicated to it than my own life. I am determined to give it the dedication and love that it has so desperately yarned for. My timetable is a lil freaked up at the moment, but I guess that is to test my  persistence. So far so good, no wagging, one late class (only by 2 mins) and hmmm zero homework. hahaha I have an essay to be due in tomorrow,… so hopefully today I wont be ‘working’ too many fraud cases but researching my assignment.

It is really good to be back in Australia btw, it has been a really hectic 2 weeks since getting back, I havent been home till Sunday night.

I was up in Sydney for a few days last week, oh god I do love sydney. Its such exhilirating city, I feel so alive when I’m prancing around George st, or Pitt st, so I’ve decided before I die, I need to move there, live it, breathe it and consume as much of it as possible.

I think the chances of that happening are quite high, since my field of work seems to centre around the city. And considering that it is my last year at uni this year, I’m having to think long and hard about which direction I need to be taking. My passion is in publishing and my dream job is to work for a art/design publishing house like Phaidon, but I think a move to the UK to take up an entry level role is too drastic. Maybe if I didnt have thousands of dollars of debt then I would probably do it, but I have exercised the right to be stupid with my money as a youth and spend up way too big for my own good, which is now constraining the way I want to live. That is something I would love to do in a few years or so (move to the uk that is) but now I’m happy to be working for a firm like m&c Saatchi, they seem to be such an awesome firm, and their indentity seem to be spot on for their cause. It is soooo hard to find a firm whom represents themselves well! They’ve done really high profile campaigns such as ANZ, Aust Post just to name a few. I am really in love with their self marketing tactics, so I’m going to approach them in the next few weeks to see whether I could apply for an entry road, or at the very least do my internship there. I think I’m going to have to apply for grad roles at PWC and Rio Tinto - which are firms that I dont REALLY want to work for… but I know they’ll pay good money, and at the moment I definately need money. Also there are grad roles going to work with the Department of Foreign Affairs & Trade. I would love to travel around and save Alexander Downers ass when he’s said the wrong thing, or save the departments face when AusAid expose its politically driven agenda. It would allow me to combine my need for money, and my love for the asia pacific region. I’m actually really excited about the move out of uni into full time work, I hope its everything that I envision to be, which is plenty of money, friday night drinks with hot guys from the office, and plenty of glam travel! YEAH! 

Anyways I think its time to start doing some real work, since Chinny is catching on that I aint working the goddamn bird!

love

godess

xox

Finally after 14 days, the thaii-burma border study tour is officially over!

A sigh of relief can finally be breathed and I’m looking forward to meeting up with Mot for a few weeks for Singa beer weaved in amongst way too many cocktails.

These last few days have been an adventure packed journey which included many laughs, tears and hissy fits. I put it to one thing, and almost one thing only…. the fact that there were 9 million women and only 3 males.

People are always talking about men and their testosterone, but whatever the fuck women have it is a google times worse.

The notion of women living together 24 hours a day, especially a group of opinionated women, is an invitation for bitchiness and meowing.

A few days ago I was sitting at a fabulous cafe in Mae Sariang, having some toast and coffee, when a chick who had been illegally taking photos in the refugee camp, attacked me claiming my level of engagement with refugees was non existence. She also bought up the fact that I was somewhat culturally insensative, and that I was making her feel rather uncomfortable.

At first I was hurt by her remarks, I was too busy dealing with my own situation and the minor childhood flash backs that I was getting just by being in the camps, but I pondered on her remarks for a few nights before I drifted into lala land.

Firstly, last time I looked in the mirrow, I remember seeing an asian chick stare back at me, so I’m assuming that I was asian. So by defination how could I be culturally insensative, if the culture is that of my own?

Secondly, I am a refugee, or so I was a refugee, how could I not have engaged with people who were in the same situation as I was 20 something years ago?

Photography is an invasive form of art and it is the job of a good photographer to be able to capture a certain moment in time that can communicate the raw essence of that moment. Photography isnt about cute pictures or colour co-ordination. To me its about the message and photography is only one medium in which I choose to communicate.

I’ve realised that in life regardless of what you do, whether good or bad, someone out there will critise you, sometimes behind your back, but sometimes to your face. It is apart of everyday life that one should be able to stand their ground, construct a valid argument, rebutt their points and conclude with something like “your points may be valid to you, but my opinion differs from yours. ” Most of the time when arguing with narrow minded people, you wont be able to change their minds or open new doors for them, but at least they cannot shy away from the fact that something else in the world is different to their sheltered world.

I am more sure today then I’ve ever been in my life, that my calling is to these people who are living under the same fate that I was so many years ago. Upon visiting UNHCR, hearing their story, hearing those who critise them, I realise the pros and cons to power. The world is more equally balanced then we all give it credit for, the notion of Pareto Efficiency in a life/luck/zen sense is non-existence. When one person is given a visa to resettle their lives, it takes away the opportunity for someone else.

I find it so interesting to be able to observe a vast variety of people, and how they change from day one to day 14, you could almost plot their personality and how they would react to things on a graph.

Despite my negative observations I think given a few more days, I’ll be able to reflect positively on this whole trip. There were soo many highlights but one I will mention

- Aung Zaw is a very charming, highly seductive editor. He has occupied my dreams various nights since I met him last week. 3 cheers for Aung!

hehehe

xox godess

Here I am again sitting in the same internet cafe, at around the same time as my last blog. 11.04 it tells me on the computer time, I’m full of toast and ready, set to go for another adventure travel filled day.

Tonight we are travelling to the white-mans Thailand, Mae Sot. Apparently (a local tells me) Mae Sot has more white people than asians. There are night clubs and bars, karaoke houses and even a strip joint, not that I would ever engage in sex tourism ofcorse, but its there nevertheless.

The last few days have been spent in a refugee camp ‘engaging’ with the population. At first the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, followed by a selfish notion of greatfulness for my own life was felt. The group of students that were workshopping with us, where mainly teenagers who had no parents, and were living in the camps by themselves, some have been there over 10 years. They’re level of need to engage and make something out of our meeting was almost heartbreaking?

I cant really comment too much about the emotional issues of the camp itself since I havent even processed my true identification with it properly as yet, so we’ll leave that one for another time.

The journey there in the back of a ute was horrible. I was covered in fine particles of dust, head to toe and when I eventually blew my nose, I had a dried up leaf come out of it! For the first time in my life I was sick from the rough roads and almost emancipated all existence of food in my belly. The road was hilly, and whiny – almost a metaphor for the journal of a refugee from their homeland to the camps.

In the camps we had no showers, we slept on bamboo floors and there wasnt enough water to even brush our teeth.

It definately hit the lights on my comfortable bed at home and my easy access to water and good food. I am determined to never take those luxuries for granted again.

I am just so pleased to have been able to leave and wash off the dirt and grime from my body. A choice not many in the camp have.

I’m looking forward to ending the journey as the dynamics of the group are really pissing the shit out of me. I just want to go back, live my life and come back in my own time, when I can be my self and not have other white supremists up my ass, over analysing my asian culture. I feel that these are my people and I understand them alot more then some musley white bitch who apparently holds a social worker degree can. It’s like some people are doing all these things that they think are for the good of ‘refugees’, when really all they are doing is suppressing the integration of the eastern and western cultures. I wish, I wish people would be true to themselves and do things for their true value. If you want to make yourself feel better then go and attend a ‘life coaching’ seminar or something. Dont hide it under the banner of ‘humanitarian’ work and act all high and mighty when the truth will always remain that you are a white supremist who is objecting your views upon others. This type of attitude is dividing man kind and its a wasteful attempt to ’save the world’. This trip has forced me to generalise most social workers and has dimmed the good work that some social workers do.

I’ll end this one on a grim note.

Speak soon

xox godess

11.10 local thai time, have just finished eating a cheese omelett with some toast. Was chauffeured to the internet cafe on the back of a motorcycle by a ammature rider (a keen bike rider from my study group), good to be sitting here alive and well.

Many adventures have occured since my last post and I’m making it a strong priority to update my blog as frequent as possible. This serves many purposes, mainly to ensure at least someone knows that I am alive.

Yesterday at the lunch time stop the group decided to go for a swim. This was not an ordinary swim in a pool, but it was an attempt to swim in a Thailand national park in a last flowing river where activities such as white water rafting occurs.

Anyways after waiting around for Colin (a study group mate) we were trailing behind the others. In a hasty attempt to catch up to the others, we ran in the approximate direction of the others. We came across an integral intersection (as we later discovered) where we stood and contemplated our direction. Encouraged by our desire to catch up to the rest, we followed the only sign that pointed upwards towards ‘water source’. Running and talking, laughing and puffing we trekked through the jungle in 40 degree heat. After around about an hour of walking we estimated to have walked/ran/jogged through the dense forrest of Thailand for about 2 kms and climbed various dips and peaks covered in red ants and odd insects we’ve never seen. At one stage there was a crossing where the trail became so narrow that the only way to cross was to grab onto the bamboo trees that were growing on the edge. After the crossing we looked at each other and realised that there was no path that had lead us to our destination and that we were so focused on catching up with everyone that we had trekked through the forrest with no sense of direction.

It was starting to get dark and I was in my havanna thongs. We had no water or no food, and in the near distance we could hear something ruffling, most likely stalking its prey. Colin swore that due to the massive logging thats occured in the area, there were no wild animals living there, but from what I could see, there was plenty of trees and very dense forrestry.

After a few hours of trial and error, and climbing a few more rock walls, we were found by our guide and the ranger, they had sent a mini search party to locate us!

My face was burnt to the max, I was super dehydrated and I thought anymore walking would surely kill me. It was harder and more intense then my trek through Nepal.

After we were found and sympathetic words were exchanged, we were on our way to Mae Sereang, which is where I am writing this post from. This is a very laid back easy going town. I’ve been told by other tourist in the area and the locals who speak some english, that people who come here are people who want to trek, visit local Karen tribes, or run some church group. I have nothing against religion but I think there is something super wrong about preaching to people who have nothing left, it means that the church is almost taking advantage of their vunerability.

Elliah and I were having a discussion in the car about religion and how it is the foundation to most problems in the world. It is religion which decided to socially constrain us from the nature of man as a being apart of the animal kingdom. It’s a very constroversal area of conversation and I just wish at times, people wouldnt have such a strong belief in something that could be precisely incorrect.

Last night I met a documentary making, originally from the Karen state, he now travels through Karen state documenting all the human rights violations and how people are living day by day, fearing for their lives without any access to education or health, two of the most important aspects of the right to be human. He spoke to me about his current project in which he explores Karen people and their resettlement issues in western society. Apparently he’s awaiting a visa to vist Melbourne in Feb, hopefully I’ll be back and we’ll be able to catch up. He sounds like such a facinating character and I thoroughly look forward to another engaging converstation with the man.

This was followed by one too may cocktails at a local bar next to our huts, and after a few games of poker I was left high(on alcho) and dry(not a cent left in my pocket). I have noticed by growing acquired taste towards beer, hahaha. I am starting to crave it when the sun sinks into the horizon. My gut is quickly showing evidence of my new found love.

Tomorrow we are travelling the to Mae La refugee camp, where we will be engaging with a group of students in the camp with games and activities for 2 days. I’m definately looking forward to spending some time with people who are almost in the same situation as my parents were 23 years ago. To think that one of these people could have been me. I think without fail, the experience with put my life into prespective, which is what I desperately need at the moment.

Oh just wanted to comment on the John Mayer and Jessica Simpson saga. Someone had bought along a whole bunch of trash mags, and I was flicking through one only to see JM kissing JS on new years eve!!!!! Although trash mags tend to get some things wrong, this is something that could be very right!@? I mean considering they were the ones who imformed us FIRST about brad + jens breakup before it was official and various other entertainment news, I cant help but see a groing trend about their viability. If you happen to be reading this John, or someone who has the ability to reach john, please ask him to reconsider his decision to date such a moron. What she does and how she acts may just be a ‘character’ and maybe she is a super intellegent woman, by selling her intellegence and acting like a bimbo to make a few bucks already saids billions about her ‘actual’ real self anyways. Do men really just want a pair of fake bobbies and some proxided hair!?

PLEASE JOHN! RECONSIDER!

And to you cheese, I wasnt refering to you and Fat Bat, I was talking about some other comments that I received, I wouldnt refer to you guys as my ‘new friends’. hahaha ure a looser. Why dont you

a) update your blog so i know what your activities have been like since I’ve been gone, (it actually feels like I’ve been gone for a few months!!!!)

b) email me

anyways gotta go read the paper and catch up on reading other ppls blogs, and *sigh* start on my essay which was suppose to be handed in before the trip.

love you all

xox godess